I Told You People Not To Try This At Home

I guess Kenny Smith got jealous of Kobe's jump so he just had to try it too. I told you so.

Please Folks - Don't Try This At Home

Here's Kobe jumping an Aston Martin... is it live or is it Memorex? You decide.

Lakers Sweep The Nuggets

I'm not surprised but I thought Denver would take at least one game at home. I know the Lakers are a VERY improved team over the last couple of years and especially this year with the addition of Pau Gasol and Derek Fisher but I didn't realize that the Nuggets played no defense whatsoever. How did the Nuggets win fifty games this year especially being in the Western Conference? Anyway, the Lakers await the next round.

One thing that struck me is the way Kobe is playing. In years past if Kobe had a bad game the Lakers didn't win. It was that simple. Now, if Kobe has a bad game the Lakers still have Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, Derek Fisher (he returned this year) Luke Walton, and a host of other role players who are finally maturing as NBA players. This makes the Lakers a dangerous crew again as they were during their 2000-2002 championship years. Also, by NBA standards they are a fairly young team. All in all things are looking up.

Look! I'm The Father Of Twins!

I don't know how common this is in the squash world but I'm starting to get some really weird looking squash. The one in this photo I took this morning is a female with 2 stigma and 2 ovaries. In other words it's a twin.

I don't know if it's considered identical or fraternal but I'm starting to wonder if I've got some sort of a mutate plant. I did have a male bud this morning so I pollinated the female.

Maybe it's been exposed to Gamma rays or some other phenomena. Time to call Rod Serling.

Jimmuh Carter's Smart Pill Award

Just in from the Greasywrench Press Service...
Plains Georgia...
April 23, 2008 (c)

Former President Jimmy Carter proudly accepts his "Aricept" Blue Ribbon Award for being one of Pfizer's most notable Aricept user.

Former President Carter often refers to his Aricept tablets as his "smart pills" when questioned about the rather large dosage he has been prescribed. Mrs Carter often hides the pills in the peanut dishes around the house to have some light fun with the President. She's even been quoted as saying "Jimmuh doesn't know the difference, and besides, the damn things aren't helping him anyway".

Rosalyn Carter even hinted that the President still thinks he's in office and occasionally wanders off to the Mid-East on diplomatic missions not knowing he's no longer the President and that it's now the twenty-first century. "Ooohh he pisses me off sometimes" she thundered during a recent interview.

Many medical experts are actually divided over whether the drug really works on the many patients to whom it's been prescribed which brings us to an old joke...

A man walks up to a kid one day and asks if he'd like to buy some smart pills for a dollar. The kid instantly answers yes.
The kid pays him the money and the guy hands over three little pellet shaped rat turds.
Not wanting to be ripped off, the kid tests them while the dealer is still there.
He plops about three in his mouth and he notices that they are the worst thing he has ever tasted and without thinking replies
"Hey, these are nothing but shit pellets"
Then the guy replies "see, they're working. You're getting smarter already."

The moral of the story is: some people just can't be helped. Even Ex-Presidents.

My Squash Is Having An Identity Crisis

They look like a shitload of bananas but they're actually my squash on a fine Spring morning. One of the squash seems to think it's actually a cucumber. I guess that's understandable since they're from the same plant family - Curcubits.

Only problem is they're supposed to be straight neck yellow squash. Instead of looking like big pickles they should look like large light bulbs. I'm tempted to pick it and use someone else for a Guinea Pig by letting THEM eat it.

I guess I'll give it a few more days. I'm getting warm enough weather now to hand pollinate the female fruit with a Q-Tip. I did a couple that way yesterday. Warmer weather seems to produce more male flowers and I am actually getting a few now. Time and Spring marches on.

Dumb Post - Foxy Brown Leaves Da Big House

Foxy did her time and now she's free. Now she has really reinforced her street cred. Upon hearing of her release, thousands of Nail Salons in NY closed their doors in fear.

Of course she blamed her jail stay on something else. "I did almost a year in prison, a year in prison, just because my name is Foxy Brown," she said.

No Ingrid, you did eight months in prison because you commited a crime by assaulting someone. I'll go out on a limb and make a prediction here. In ten years no one is gonna remember who this bimbo is/was and she'll just be a footnote in (C)rap history.

Don Imus - do you wanna weigh in on this?

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gQz-DOFP_2MPONzNUsPo9nSeY0dQD904SV680

Finally - Justice In Tennessee!

"The murders of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom"

Michelle Malkin, LaShawn Barber, HotAir and many other sites have been blogging on this story for over a year and it seems like some measure of justice will finally prevail. In case you didn't read or see the story on the Lame Stream Media you're not alone. It seems hardly anyone saw this story on Network news or the major newsprint services. Why? The story was buried by the press. Black on White crime takes a back seat in reporting for some reason. Two murders this horrific and I saw NOTHING on the major Networks about it. I had to read about it on the web. What's wrong with this picture?

Anyway, click the link below to read more about the scumbags who committed this terrible crime and the progress of the case. As usual, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and some of the other race baiters had nothing to say since there was no mileage to be gained.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/04/17/horror-in-knoxville-update-the-first-guilty-verdict/

It's NBA Playoff Time...Yeahhh!

"Apr 16, 2:15 AM (ET)By JOHN NADEL
Box Score Recap Game Log LOS ANGELES (AP) -The Los Angeles Lakers began the season in chaos 5½ months ago. They finished it as the Western Conference champions."

Being a die hard Laker fan since the late sixties I'm really looking forward to this years run. On the last year of Phil Jackson's three year contract the Lakers have a real shot at going deep in the playoffs this year and maybe all the way to the Finals.

Last year and the year before they didn't have a deep enough bench to really compete with the Spurs, Dallas, Phoenix, and some of the other elite Western Conference teams but things are really looking up. They have the home court advantage in the West and are seeded first.

In all of professional sports, having the home field advantage is usually meaningless - except in the NBA. The fans can help turn a game around in a minute and although it's not supposed to make a difference in the officiating, having home court does make a difference. The home teams always seems to get the close calls. Anyway, the shit hits the Fan(s) on Sunday. Ooops, I did it again with the puns.

Lets go Lakers!

Uppity Schmuppity!

"By BETH FOUHY, Associated Press Writer Tue Apr 15, 5:13 PM ET
WASHINGTON, Pa. - Democratic Sen. Barack Obama on Tuesday dismissed a voter's suggestion that when Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton called him elitist it "bordered on uppity."

Hell, I just thought Obama was a smart ass. The "uppity" questioner just happened to be a White supporter of Obama. How convenient. That removes any question of Obama playing the race card and actually makes him look magnanimous.

The Obama supporter said "As a white person, this term, the way it's being used against you, it isn't far from 'uppity,'" the man said. "I think the Clintons are getting away with something that they must be called on. They will continue to do it until somebody states, 'Mrs. Clinton, you are really close to prejudice here."

I got news for the Obama supporter who posed the "uppity" question - I'm white too (actually a lovely shade of tan) and I think you're full of shit. You might even be a plant by Obama. Something stinks here.

But the more ominous message here is this; don't dare question Obama when he comes off looking like a patronizing creep or he'll play the race card by NOT playing the race card. Either way he comes out smelling like a rose.

One more thing, Hillary can put her own foot in her mouth Barrack. She sure as hell doesn't need your help. BTW, if "uppity" means being a cocksure arrogant turd, then yes Barrack - you are uppity.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080415/ap_on_el_pr/obama

A Big Pussy (And A Huge Cat Too)

I'm watching H&C, and as usual, Alan Colmes is making an ass out of himself making excuses for the inexcusable. I want to scream when I hear him defending America hating Donkey Dicks such as Reverend Wright, Jimmy Carter, Barrack Obummer, Billary Clinton, etc...

What really annoys me about Ms Colmes is the condescending smirk that's frozen on his face when he's in the process of getting verbally bitch-slapped by the likes of Ann Coulter, David Horowitz (tonight's show), Tammy Bruce, etc....

I won't even make any ab-hominem attacks about what an ugly turd he is and why he deserves a douchebag award. That wouldn't be intellectually fair and balanced - would it?

Brigette Bardot On Trial For Thinking!

"By BRUCE CRUMLEY/PARIS Tue Apr 15, 5:20 PM ET
She may be better remembered as the revolutionary sex kitten of 1960s French cinema, but these days Brigitte Bardot is better known as a standard-bearer of the anti-immigrant wing of France's political spectrum. Bardot went on trial Tuesday charged with "inciting racial hatred," and in view of her four previous convictions on similar charges, prosecutors sought exceptionally stiff penalties of $22,000 and a two month suspended sentence."

Do Muslims have the good people of France so intimidated that having opinions and expressing them has now become a crime? I just read this story on Yahoo and I've seen another thread on Sweetness & Light dealing with the subject.

Now it seems that the crime of expressing her opinion about Muslims and their degradation of French culture has gotten Ms Bardot in hot water for the fifth time. It also appears that the French have no respect for the woman who they themselves have many times described as a "National Treasure".

I seem to remember the French bending over in the past for the Nazis and it was American and Allied soldiers who paid the ultimate price to rescue the Frogs from their own Dhimitude. Could it be happening again? Have the limp dicks of Europe learned nothing from history? It seems not. If history is repeating itself (again) it will take American blood and treasure to bail them out for the third time in less than a century.

I find it interesting that the Yahoo article described Ms Bardot's crime as "bashing Islam". I'm sure that if the roles were reversed I doubt that Yahoo would describe Muslims as "bashing Christianity". That would take a little more balls then the Lame Stream Media seem to have anymore. Another example of the double standard in reporting from the gutless press.

Tax Time Douchebag Award Whiners

Last night Hillary and Barrack put on a dog and pony show to let the world know just how deep their religious convictions run.

There's an old saying that goes something like this..."don't piss on me and tell me it's raining".

So in honor of the show let's give them BOTH a Douchebag award. Thanks Hillary & Barrack for showing once again what a couple of world class liars you are.

RIP E.C. Butler 1922 - 2008

Born in Checotah Oklahoma - died in Hanford Ca., 04/10/08. Beloved Father and Grandfather. Veteran of WWII.

Little Darlings..

"Third Grader at Center of Teacher Attack Plot Speaks
Tmanni Adams Said She Was Too Frightened to Tell Administrators About Plot
By ALLEN LEVINE, ANGELA CHAMBERS and IMAEYEN IBANGA April 7, 2008"

Remember the children in Georgia last week who were plotting the murder of their teacher for disciplining one student. Well here's a link to an interview that might prove interesting. The children in this story are between eight and ten years old.

You might note the young girl who just happened to be at the center of this incident has trouble answering questions without looking to her Attorney. Hmmm...

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AsSeenOnGMA/story?id=4602938&page=1&GMA=true

Charelton Heston Dead At 84

After a long career actor Charlton Heston has passed away at the age of 84. He was known primarily for the many historical roles he played, his conservative views and support of NRA causes. Recent reports indicate he may have suffered from Alzheimer's.

Heston won the Academy Award in 1959 for his portrayal of Judah Ben-Hur in the movie of the same name. He was also famous for his portrayal of Moses in the Ten Commandments. He is survived by his Wife of many years Lydia.

In recent years Heston stood out in the liberal world of Hollywood being a staunch conservative and President of the NRA. These stands often put him at odds with the Hollywood establishment and he quipped on one occasion it may have cost him film roles.

RIP Charlton Heston 1923 - 2008
http://apnews.excite.com/article/20080406/D8VSC5880.html

The Return Of Islamic Rageboy!

Just In! Islamic Rageboy is back!
Greasywrench Press - April 5, 2008 (c)

World famous Seether Islamic Rageboy has recently resurfaced as the company spokesperson for Assengill Feminine Hygiene Products.

When asked where he had been the last eighteen months Rageboy replied "I was on Jihad". He also added "Jihad is dirty business and I felt need to refresh myself". "When this wonderful company approach me about being their representative I said to my self, "Rageboy, you've spent enough time making war against Infidel, now you need to freshen up and find seventy-two Virgins". "There's an old saying in Arabic - you can tell if it's well by the way that it smell. I was getting so bad the Camels and Donkeys were rejecting me."

The Assengill company stated Rageboy was the second choice as spokesperson. The first choice was Achmed The Dead Terrorist. Unfortunately, once Achmed had died it became increasingly difficult for the Douche products to be very effective. Hence the selection of Rageboy. Let's wish Rageboy all the best.

Steal my graphics please.

In The Begining....

there was top-soil - and it was good. Alright, enough from the Book of Genesis. Just a plot of dirt here waiting for some action. It's my pal Kevin's back yard. Not much of a spot but just you wait and see. In about three months it ought to be rockin.

I just finished amending the soil the other day with some Miracle Grow. Add a little Nitro-Humus and we're off to the races (I hope). We grew some Early Girl Tomatoes and Beans last year and fed the neighbors for two months. Now I'm gonna try and diversify.

Now all you folks with some real acreage don't make fun. This is the best we can do in a town where the average starter home is in the mid $300,000.00 range. Land is precious in San Pedro and as the old drag racing saying goes - "you run what you brung".

Good Morning Ladies

Oh well. I guess I'll just have to settle for some nice yellow flowers for now. As usual, my morning photo of my lovely (FEMALE!) squash blossoms. If there's one small light at the end of this tunnel my first Pole Bean seedlings
germinated.

I've read on more than one website that the flowers can be eaten. They sure have a nice smell to them. Kind of like Mustard. I've gotta try and bread and deep-fry a couple one day.

Easy Pickens

It was cloudy yesterday and we even had a couple drops of rain. A real Kalifornia downpour you could call it. It's nice today. Sunny but kind of cool. Warm weather is on the way.

It's gotta get warm and stay warm for these things to really take off. We had some real warm weather around Easter but it cooled off again. It's making my garden neurotic.

Here's a couple I just picked this morning. I'll probably give em away. I'm not much for whole tomatoes. I do like these on a nice salad though. I should have a lot more soon. There's lots of baby ones in my garden. Mrs Greasywrench claims to like Cherry Toms but they just sit in a dish for a couple of days before I take em over to my pal Kevin and let him have at em. The damn plants are like weeds. I prune the shit out of them and a week later it's like I never touched em. They're very easy to grow.

419 Scammers At It Again! Scambaiting Anyone?

I am getting absolutely hammered the last few weeks by 419 scammers. Each and every day I'm getting at least ten emails from these assholes. I guess it's because I made the mistake of replying to one last month. I called him a Mugu (Nigerian for Fool) and said I hoped he'd get eaten by a Lion.

For those who don't know what a 419 scam is: it's the email that arrives in your inbox from someone in Africa who's either dying from some exotic disease, someone who's offering you thousands of dollars to help save a relative in dire straits, or basically anyone trying to separate you from your hard earned cash with a ridiculous story and plea for money.

Now the fuckers are flooding my inbox with some of the most outrageous bullshit stories anyone could imagine. I've read about some of the scambaiting going on in some of the other websites and it's hilarious. For those that don't know, scambaiters reply to the Nigerians and act like they believe the bullshit. Then they waste the time of the scammers by keeping them emailing back and forth with even BIGGER bullshit stories. The scambaiters keep these idiots going for months just to waste the time of the scammers.

I'd post some of the email I get but it would literally take hours to read. I might post one anyway just for fun. I spent about three hours one night reading some of the scambaiting stories. I couldn't navigate away from the page it was so damn funny. Mrs Greasywrench heard me laughing so hard from the other room she was ready to send me to the happy factory.

I'm sure at one time or another most web email users have gotten email from these Donkey Dicks. What cracks me up is that some people actually fall for this shit. It's amazing people can be so gullible. Click on the highlighted links to read some great scambaiting stories. You will be thrilled by the exploits of Lewd Noogie and some of the other scambaiters. I swear I was ready to put on a pair of Depends I was laughing so hard.

Sweet Young Things

"By RUSS BYNUM and MIKE STOBBE, Associated Press Writers
WAYCROSS, Ga. - Allegations that third-graders hatched an elaborate plot to knock out, handcuff and stab their teacher were met with shock by neighbors and with doubt by psychiatry experts who said it is unlikely that children that young seriously intended to hurt anyone.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080402/ap_on_re_us/children_s_plot

I guess we've all read about the 8 - 10 year old kids in Georgia who've been accused of bringing weapons to school in a kiddie plot to kill the teacher who had earlier punished one of them. The "experts" claim children that age are usually incapable of malice of this type.

Dear "experts" - does the name Lionel Tate come to mind? Although he was twelve when he committed his murder the difference of two years is certainly an indicator that children that age can and do KILL. Young Mr. Tate who was sentenced to prison in 2001 and released in 2004 after some legal maneuvering and a plea bargain is in trouble again. He is now serving 30 years in prison for violating probation and possessing a gun.

There's also the case of Eric Smith. This boy was absolutely scary. He was thirteen when he killed four year old Derrick Robie. Had he not been caught Eric Smith might have well went on to become a serial killer Psychiatrists predicted. Investigators over and over in court made the claim that Eric enjoyed killing young Robie. After killing Robie by choking him then smashing him with a rock, Smith sodomized the boy with a stick and poured Kool-Aid on the body.

An old Chinese proverb says "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a step". I'm sure Charlie Manson took his first step at a very young age. So did John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, Mark David Chapman, Gary Gilmore, The Green River Killer, etc... the list is endless.

Are these children monsters? I don't know but something is seriously wrong with them and the "experts" need to re-evaluate their stance on the innocence of young children. I believe most children who grow up with psychiatric problems are usually the victims of some sort of abuse. I also believe that some people are just born bad. Whatever is the case with these kids it needs to be nipped in the bud now. Do we need another Eric Harris or Dylan Klebold?

One last comment. Although I grew up in a single parent household my Mother and Father instilled the values and morals that I grew to live with. At the age of ten I KNEW the difference between right and wrong.

Soggy Nauchos & Coke

Arrggghhh! How do you spell hangover? Try soggy nachos and a coke. I did something last night I haven't done in a while. I lit the Brandy lamp. Right now I'm paying the price. Mistake number one last night was ordering Mexican food from the Jolly Burrito. Mistake number two was NOT eating any of it before I decided to have a few shots and listen to some music.

Now I'm sitting here, the damn Marine Layer is back so it's cold and gray outside, my squash and tomatoes are bitching about the lack of Sun and to top it all off it's supposed to rain tomorrow.

All this leads me back to the question; what do soggy nachos and a coke have to do with a hangover? I'm eating them right now, that's what. To add insult to injury I have to go out in about an hour and diagnose a starting problem on a Ford Escort. Oh well. That's life in the big city.