(c) Greasywrench Press Service:August 17, 2008
Beijing, China
Shi Fo Ni won the individual competition this morning on the Rings. Here She is pictured to the left performing her wining routine. The coaches and Chinese officials denied early reports that Shi Fo Ni was only eighteen months old. In fact, the Chinese delegation produced a birth certificate showing she was born in 1948. They also denied reports of doping that keeps infants artificially youthful and prevents them from entering puberty.
"I am shocked that you would accuse us of this dastardly practice" said Chinese gymnastic coach Mi Fake Yu. We have strived to keep in the practice of the Olympic spirit and our wonderful opening ceremony should be evidence. "Our singers were even trained in the United States at the Ashley Simpson School Of Voice" replied the coach. "If that doesn't prove our integrity then nothing will!"
"Just wait for the closing ceremony" thundered Mi Fake Yu. "We plan on a demonstration with Chairman Mao swimming the Yellow River" When the Coach was told Mao was long dead he replied "it's only a rumor, Mao is alive and living in Canton with Chou En Lai". When reminded that Mao would be over one hundred years old if he were still living Fake Yu replied "we give him special vitamins - just like our gymnasts." The presiding Chairman of the Chinese Olympic Committee and Beijing Communist collective, Mi No Li, concurred with Mi Fake Yu on all accounts.
The IOC had no comment. Avery Brundage was reported to have rolled over in his grave.
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