Monday, November 23, 2009

Obama Osama Bin Laden And The NY Times

Just In: Osama Bin Laden was recently spotted squatting in front of the NY Times Building as he awaited the latest leaks press briefings by the Times on U.S. Military strategy in the Middle East.

Al-Queda figurehead Osama Bin Laden was recently photographed in front of the main doorway to the New York Times corporate building squatting on the ground and eating a foot-long cheese steak sandwich from Subway and enjoying a hot cup of Starbucks (Arabica of course) fresh ground coffee.

I.P. Freely, ace reporter from The World Of Greasywrench ambled up to the spiffy and smartly turbaned Al-Quead leader and engaged him in some light conversation. When Freely asked the alleged terrorist what he was up to, Osama proudly replied "I'm here to get my information on American troop movements and strategy from the New York Times. The Times is my greatest source of information". Bin Laden also added "if it weren't for Maureen Dowd and some infidel named Friedman, we'd be up shit-creek in Pakistan". "They've been wonderful sources of intel for our guys". "They should be opening the doors any minute for the latest briefings".

Bin Laden then sat down his coffee cup and loudly belched as a passing New Yorker tossed a Dollar in the cup and shouted "get a job hippy". Bin Laden growled and shot back "blow me you f***ing Infidel! Do I look like a bum"? The New Yorker then laughingly responded with a vague reference to crisply fried bacon, Osama's Mother and a goat, then continued on his way.

A spokesperson who appeared for the NY Times denied providing leaks to Bin Laden and cited the long history of the Times being on the vanguard of National Security. "All that shit about Valerie Plame, outing CIA Agents, and Daniel Ellsberg was a Fascist lie". The spokesperson claimed. "We print all the news that's fit to leak, er, I meant be read".

The Times spokesperson was then asked about the New York Times and their refusal to print the emails of the University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit and the possibility of withholding evidence about Climate Change. He responded in his best Robert Gibbs impression "Oh - that was different" and he immediately fled the area with no further comment.

1 comment:

Winfred Mann said...

May the bluebirds of happiness kill the asshole.