Sunday, June 3, 2012

Low Flush Toilets Are The Shit!

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I know this is a dumb-ass rant but here goes. We have one of the low-flush toilets in our apartment. Since 1992 all toilets sold have been mandated (bloomberg anyone) by federal law to be low-flush. I wouldn't have a problem with that if the damn things always worked, but they don't.

This morning I got up, plugged in the Coffee maker, fired up a smoke and set down to read the news on the web. I'm as regular as the tides so low and behold nature eventually called and I had to take care of business.

Now - I'm not one of those people who count the squares of toilet paper I use when I empty the ol' bowels but I'm a cheap fucker so I do economize. IOW I don't use a lot of paper after a dump. But the fucking toilet never seems to be able to handle the load and turd size is not a factor. This morning I had to attack the so-called "environmentally friendly" toilet with a plunger for the umpteenth time. Eight damn squares of tissue (two wipes - four per wipe) and the crap just sat there smiling at me and daring me to "do it again" with the flush handle.

Excuse me, but after three handle shakes I have the distinct impression I've used more than the 1.6 gallons of water this fucker is supposed to use for the average flush. I had to fight the turd tooth and nail AND use a plunger to get things handled. So much for "government" mandates.

After this morning's flush caper I actually got on the web and did some research about these lame-ass toilets. It seems we're not alone here in The People's Republik Of Kalifornia. People hate these shitty toilets all across the USA. And the ultimate and sweetest irony is; they are having a problem with toilet related stinkage in ...San Francisco! Har har har. The donkey dicks up North have reaped what they have sown when it comes to being "green". I love it!

Final Thoughts: One thing that has always puzzled me. Am I the only one who folds the bathroom tissue? As a younger more reckless man I just wadded it up and wiped. Now I fold. Am I alone? Do you fold or do you wad? Inquiring minds want to know.

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