American's With No Abilities Act 2009 - Congress Acts Now To Add This Earmark To Stimulus!

Feburary 22, 2009....Breaking News!
Just In From The UnAssosciated Press (c)
AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT: Congressional Act - 2009
Just added to the Stimulus Bill...

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping
legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans.
The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed
as a major legislation by Democrats of the millions of Americans
who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow
People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better
job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

Boxer pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which
has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard
to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack
job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of
Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The
DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
"middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory
sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given,
to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of
Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every
two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals
for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which
relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost
her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due
to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help
people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions
of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of
the tunnel.

Said Senator Nazi Pelousi, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy,
with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also
find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may
be." Senator Harry Reid chimed in with a hearty ditto.

Thanks to Snopes for the urban legend and this ridiculous post. Or is it?